It creeps up every year. I know it’s coming and sometimes there’s excitement. Other times I try to avoid it like the plague. But it’s there. Just as steady as the sunrises and sets every day whether I am ready for it or not. I always get a little excited and normally begin counting the days, obnoxiously enough that my family will not dare forget. This year is different.
The latter half of this year has been a very introspective time for me. We’ve hit milestones I never expected to hit (the one year mark of my husband’s injury and consequently the one year mark of his being off work). We’ve hit stress points in our marriage and family that I didn’t know existed. I almost let the weight of the last year crush me completely.
Last fall, I experienced severe chest pain and landed in the ER with what turned out to be a gallbladder attack. Four days and one surgery later I was discharged from the hospital. One thought was consistent, “I have to lose weight. I have to get healthy.” I started out with a nutrition program, and a work out program, and lots of good intentions. But I wasn’t ready. Not really.
I’ve spent the last year as a flounder. Floundering at exercise. Floundering at nutrition. Floundering at work. Failing to realize that these are choices I made. Decisions made with purpose to take care of myself and my family and I have failed.
Fast forward a year, and I’m finally ready. Someone commented how soon I will be halfway to dead. I guess this person assumes every dies, or should die, at 70 years old. I’m not ready to die, not even remotely close to it. I’ve spent the last few years taking care of everyone, but me.
This is my year.
It’s about me this year. And no, I don’t feel that is selfish at all whatsoever. Moms in general have this misconception that everyone else should come first, to the detriment of ourselves. Taking care of me, putting my needs first, will ensure that I am at my best to take care of my family.
I may not be halfway to dead exactly, but I know that I’m not to old to fix what’s wrong. I’m taking the bull by the horns and putting this year on it’s back, before it tries to take me out. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, so they say, and I plan to rise above any and all adversity.